Strange shootings expected to fill restaurants
Reports of an active shooter have already been flooding in today as officials struggle to respond to a rash of archery shootings that have left victims teary-eyed and somewhat disoriented. The shootings began early this morning before sunrise and did not seem to be confined to one geographical area, according to officials, leading law enforcement to believe that this is not the work of a single lone wolf aggressor but rather a team or unit of some kind.
According to an ATF agent who we spoke with briefly, the weapon used seems to be “some kind of bow” which is unlike anything ATF has seen in the past.
“It almost seems like the arrows used in this spree are coated with some sort of chemical,” said the agent (who wish to remain anonymous). “We have recovered several arrows from various scenes across the country and they are all being sent to the lab as we speak”.
In a press conference early this morning, reporters were told that results of testing are expected to take most of the day. Investigators have been dispatched from Quantico to major cities across the nation but the attacks do not seem to be limited to just highly populated areas as reports are coming in from rural areas as well.
The CDC has issued a statement as of 9:42 AM EST regarding the treatment of the shooting victims explaining that a majority of victims will be transferred to fancy and/or romantic restaurants later in the day for treatment.
While information is still difficult to collect as this is an extremely fluid situation, investigators believe that these have been coordinated attacks and that greeting cards have been found at every shooting scene and that although the cards are all similar, handwriting analysis has not been able to connect a common or single signature.
According to the Journal of Thorasic Disease, traumatic foreign bodies penetration and retention in the heart are rare, with available reports mainly focusing on bullets, shrapnel, and circular saw fragments. Indeed, self-inflicted intracardiac foreign bodies are very rarely seen in clinical practice making today's events very rare. The consequences and outcomes largely depend on the projectile nature, path of travel, and unquestionably on the final position in the thorax.
While arrow injury to the heart is a common cause of penetrating trauma in rural areas of underdeveloped nations, it certainly represents an unusual occurrence in Western countries.
According to reports from EMS workers, victims have shown a myriad of symptoms such as shortness of breath, heart palpitations, hyperhydrosis (extreme and sudden sweating) and vertigo. According to one hospital source, victims have tested with high levels of Dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine which has caused cases of experienced euphoria and other similar symptoms.
We have been unable to interview any shooting victims as of this hour as they seem horribly preoccupied and unable to focus long enough to interview.
Government officials are cautioning Americans to avoid areas like Hallmark stores, gift shops and jewelry stores during this situation and to shelter in place alone if they want to avoid what is obviously shaping up to be a massive large scale assault on what could be thousands of individuals before the end of the day.
Disclaimer: This blog post was not written with any disrespect or irreverence toward past or present (last night’s) shootings. In a world where tragedies occur every day, we need some levity. Last night’s events in East Lansing were tragic to say the least and my prayers are with the families of the victims as well as the students and teachers who were traumatized by this event.